01 Mar

                                          the end is where we start from                                                                                                                                --Eliot  do to what know didn't and 

become had but been have never could i someone like  

bounce now. things like this don’t  happen til they happen. 

i saw myself to  got  we’ve ,done  I  had  hell  the what like  me at  back staring they could unlock the sky by standing on a  mountain of  soap suds imagined  ever who  else everyone  see could i  halls white those up that’s  when one of  those guys started turning blue on the floor, and eyes. if that sounds dramatic remember the light under your darkest door. your of  front in  science the with mythology in believe to lame so it’s what everyone finally sees. it all has to end, all  at  once and  entirely. saw  i  but .quickly blur to not clearly  too—struck is man high a way conjoin  like  cells determined  not to reproduce. i was  struck  in the days and  dawn  the and dark the  divides  nothing  how, afternoon the wrong  about  that; about a  salted sleep  that ends too often at  five in something  is there  know  i .again  myself   like feel i  .clap  to begin time.  i hear  the questions  my  father always  asks.  i  feel  my heart some  in bathed not have i  .head  my  in words no  are there.  games see  myself   in  there  on  the  floor   watching  someone  play  video can  i .mistletoe the under  blowjobs of  brag  and curls  cheese down thank  me for  the risk, and  say  i’m secretly  like them as they  suck ,herb the congratulate they .kept neatly  and  decorated  neatly is but the  third  floor’s  first  door on the  right.  it smells of old men’s feet from  shines  that   light  bad  of  halo spoiled  the  in  ghosts  sloppy to  see  you.  and   they  are  pouring  from  your  roommate’s  room; happy are they .you   know  don’t  they  .mellowtude  their and eyes to the  parties where  everyone  seems overly  friendly with their dry ;backbone  confusing building’s  the up go  i  .things such  in  lieved imitate, that i’m more than  a  mouth and a  gut.   i  have  always be- i  assholes  the  not  am i  that ,somehow   better  breathe  i  think  to week’s  work  is done  and everyone  knows how to  breathe.  i  like the  when nights  Friday  on  shit   talk  princesses  and  boys  dantic go up the  stairs  another flight, up  dimly lit white  halls  where  pe- i   .fear the remember i   .themselves    about   and   girls about  said when  i was  eleven one night in Maine. i remember the things  they car  a  of   backseat   the  in  breath  cousin’s  my  on  beer  of  smell remember  many   things  about   the  past.  but  i could remember  the -re not  could  i   .Romans  before  came Hebrews  if  remember  not were no words in my head.  i had not bathed in some  time.  i  could there  .pirate  a  like  stank  and  landing  the on rose  i .end without one is  worse, the  purity  or the  filth,  remains  a  debate  that  runs which  though ,agents  cleaning antiseptic the like less  and  smoke and beer like smell and smell to begin through passing things the and  

grow nights  the  and  go  days  the  as  shadow  a always is

that glass and tile plain of lobby the through go i .night at

beer sour and morning the  in  agents  cleaning like smells that 

stairway the up go 



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